from: Jeff Hill


After a night of drinking and watching porn, Dave crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep when he realized he wasn't going to get any milk

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed, wearing a long flowing robe. Dave liked the look of this man, and hoped there was nothing under his robe!

"Who the hell are you?", demanded Dave, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"

The mysterious man answered, "This isn't your bedroom, and I'm St Buzz".
Dave was stunned. "You mean my career is dead working for QM?"

That can't be, I have so much to live for.

I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away."

St Buzz, "Yes, you can be reincarnated, but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a hot chick or a goose."

Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a goose.

A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and squawking around like a CS girl

"This ain't so bad," he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard gander strolled over and said, "So you're the new goose.
How are you enjoying your first day here?
"It's not so bad," replied Dave, "but I have this strange feeling
inside like I'm about to explode."
"You're ovulating," explained the ganderr, "don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before."
"Never," replied Dave.
"Well, just relax and let it happen."

And so he did, and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg popped out from under his tail.

An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.

Dave loved eggs in his old life, and he was curious how fresh eggs tasted, so he carefully cracked one open and swallowed the golden goodnes. But Dave was careless, and a lot of the yoke ran down the sides of his mouth.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming
and he knew that being reincarnated as a goose was the best thing that had
happened to him... ever!!! Even better than viewing porn on the Net!

The joy kept coming, and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting,
"Dave!
Wake up, you drunk bastard"
"You're shitting the bed."

Photo-chop challange

Here is the origional image:

And here are my attempts:




And one from Ryan:


Lets see some more funnies!

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Posted by Chris

What is that noise? Sounds almost like someone's biological clock is ticking...

Aw don't they look happy!

Well the honeymoon is over as tomorrow...

...The Rod Is Coming Out!





As Dave's life is well and truly over now, I think this blog will probably have to close down.

Just don't have sex again and you will be fine matey.

I am sure Dave will make a fine father. Just look at these plans!

when i have kids, i plan to share the internets, and all their goodness with them i will add them to my dodgy emailing group even

--Dave, 2nd May 2007

Discuss

New Desk Day

Posted by Chris

Yesterday Dave went from this:

Image might have been slightly manipluated

To this:


Apparently it was so exciting I received no less than 10 emails about it and about how no-one was allowed to touch it. God Damn I hate this blog.

Discuss.

ZOMG I am Tina and Dave is the stupid boss!

Posted by Chris

No suitcase is safe

Posted on behalf of Drew

Dancing (medium-size) Dave

Posted on behalf of Hoc

Dancing (skinny) Dave

Posted by Chris

Create Your Own PaloozaHead

Where is dave ?

Posted by Chris



Please help us find Dave.

Dave’s Description

Dave Broughton - ABDUCTED, FEARED MURDERED

Date of Birth: 9.11.73

Physical Description: 190cm in Height of large build with dark hair and angry eyes.

Clothing Worn: A black shirt with the words 'Empire Strikes Back' printed on the front, blue jeans, white socks and light coloured Adidas shoes. Dave was wearing a new 'kmart' Belt.

Last Seen: approx 11pm Saturday the 14th of April 2007, Leaving Ani Wu's 30th Birthday Bash at Annerley, Queensland with a silly grin on his face.

UPDATE: Dave has been found!

Stephen: I can't believe he took off like that. and we couldn't find him.
Deano: it was almost as big a manhunt as when that daniel kid got took.
Dave: i powered home for some reason
Dave: i dont know why
Drew: camilla sure is in a bad way right now
Drew: dave is banned from parties
Drew: i dont feel to bad to be honest, but i think im still drunk and worst is still to come
Drew: in conclusion, top party kc/wu
Stephen: Drew was manin the shots and everyone that came to the sink had to have one or he'd get angry.

Photos from the party are now online!

Dave's track of the week

Posted by Chris

Sharam - PATT (Party all the time)

Funny Dave conversation of the week

Posted by Chris

From: Dave
To: [Wow Email Group]
(KC; Ryan; Drew; Deano; Glasso; Jeffy; Simon; Chrisy)
Subject: RE: I'm done!

for all you lamos

http://www.visible-ink.org/...

From: Ryan
To: [Wow Email Group] + Dave
Subject: RE: I'm done!

I've already quit smoking durries this year as if Im going to quit another addiction.

When Dave quits his addiction (smoking cawk) I'll quit the WoW.

From: Dave
To: [Wow Email Group]
Subject: RE: I'm done!

u r

From: Ryan
To: [Wow Email Group] + Dave
Subject: RE: I'm done!

SWIDT?

From: Dave
To: [Wow Email Group]
Subject: RE: I'm done!

DIAFF

-- Mouse over the dashed items if you don't know what they mean.
(Jeff this means you!)

Casual Friday Wear

Posted on behalf of Steves

Hey dave, i found the perfect shirt for you.

Dave quote of the week

Posted by Chris

“hey, i like alcohol, and chix yacking?
thats super hawt!!!”

-- Dave, 6th April 2007

Dave's Day at the Beach

Posted by Chris

New photo album online!
Click here!

Dave's track of the week

Calvin Harris - Acceptable in the 80s

Chrissy is Dead

Posted by Dave

Chrissys last day at QM on friday 30/03/07. It was a very sad day. To celebrate we all went out for beers after work at the "Rumpus Room".

It was an excellent turnout, with people from all departments coming to say their goodbyes to Chrissy! Would have been nice if we could have got a decent bartab to kick things along a bit, but at the Factory we dont like to spend money unless its on something that will benefit the factory.

It was also Michaelas last day and K2 (not anymore I spose), Kyles 3rd last day too.

Some friends of QM also came along to say their goodbyes, including Vicki, Ani, Mikey, Rob, Missy D, and we got to know some new QM'ers that little bit better. Elliot seems to be a good QM fit already!

Everyone had a great time drinking at West End before the nite got a bit fractured as groups moved off to different locations. Steves and Me ended up going into the valley (Empire) quite early, which was probably a mistake as the Empire was pretty dead, and I kept drinking when I should have been slowing down. This combined with not quite being over my flu ended my nite prematurely (much to petals pleasure).

I dont actually remember what happened, KC was up dancing, I think Chrissy and Danae were there, and all of a sudden I was home after riding on the magical beer scooter!

It was a good nite, a shame it didnt go a bit longer, but as Camilla says, we will still continue to see Chrissy lots more anyway.

I was a little sad too, as although Chrissy is king mega jerk face a lot of the time and makes me so angry I want to hit him sometimes hes quite awesome, funny and fun to work with. I will miss him.

Chris is dead.

Pix are here

Party Friday @ 5pm

So Chrisy is leaving QM after 8 years :'(

Come down to the Rumpus Room in West End for a few beers (and LIIT's) after work to celebrate!

There will be lots of fun people there including some of your favourite ex-QM'ers! Nammie! Bianacas! Ani! Mikey! maybe even Jeffy!

Even Damo has let Lisa out of the house!

It's going to be lots of fun so be there!


Corner of Boundary & Russell Street, West End


Programming at QM according to Jeff :

Drink Spiking

Found this interesting article in the newspaper this morning and thought I would share it

the zoo

A man goes to the zoo.

When he gets there, there was only a dog. It was a shitzu.

Cmac Sux

Fancy bagging out Dave's blog :(
A little background info, Craig always calls up Nova in the morning because he thinks he is funny. Shockjock is funnier aparently. (I don't like nova anymore, AM radio FTW)
I used to like cmac and his lovely lady until he was mean to the blog.

Breaking news!

Oh my! Look what I just found on the news.com.au website!

(Click for full size and read more!)

Wanted: Dirty Rock Pig

Wanted for being a rock pig in 2 states and 1 account of throwing up the horns.

Despite claims of only liking manufactured beats, deep down inside Dave love guitars, live drums and to rock out.

Coming soon to a theatre near you...

Once in a lifetime comes a motion picture that makes you feel like falling in love all over again. This is not that movie.

The Ultimate Survey for:

Full Name: David Andrew Broughton

Nicknames: Spook/Broughty/Broady/Brodie

Hometown: Cairns

Croutons or Bacon Bits: Bacon, everythings better with bacon

Favorite Salad Dressing: !??!??

Have you ever gone skinny dipping? yes (thats hawt)

Do you make fun of people: yes, but only people that deserve it and cripples

Have you ever been convicted of a crime?: yes, have done hard time also

Best online friends: my personall blogger and qgl community

One pillow or two?: two

Pets: a dog one day

Favorite Type of Music: all styles go in my record crate

Hobbies: being good at internets, dreaming about playin sport again and having sex with my car

Dream Car: my car

Type of Car you drive now: my car

Words or Phrases you overuse: "tits", "thats hawt","my knees are getting sore, can i stop please"

Toothpaste: yes

Favorite Food: something with meat, possibly pastry and beer

Online Crush: Caitlin from degrassi junior high

Current Boyfriend/Girlfriend: is hawt

Piercing or tattoos?: none, my body is a temple

Most romantic thing that ever happened to you: i found 5 dollars in a toilet stall at a niteclub that i used to buy more beer

Do you get along with your parents: yes, as long as they are in cairns and im in brisbane

Favorite town to chill in: brisbane

Favorite Ice Cream: no thanks, its for fatttys

What's your bed time: after my third drink

Adidas, Nike, or Reebok: adidas

Favorite Website: davebroughton.blogspot.com

Least Favorite Subject in School:

Favorite Sport to Watch: cricket

Most humiliating moment: getting job at qm

Loudest person you know: me, AM I LOUD?

Craziest person you know (or silliest): john howard

Favorite Holiday: 2 days off watching heroes in lounge room

What do you look for in the opposite sex?: tits

Say one nice thing about the person who sent this to you: hes my blogger

Things I've learned from life: too many to list

Favorite number: 69 (teehee)

Favorite color: er, that one that i like, i think its like a blue

Greatest experience in your lifetime: getting my blog on the internets so i can help less fortunate people be more like me

Why are you here on earth?: to help less fortunate people be more like me

Who means the most to you?: me

Drinking habits: yes :(

Windows/Macintosh/Unix: windows for pleasure, unix for work and macs for those cool ads where they make fun of windows

Favorite Quote: "thats hawt!", "tits"

------------------------------------------------------------------

phew!

back to thec ricket for a bit now

Pix of Dave!

Dave's track of the week

Coburn - We Interrupt This Programme

Listen Now

Classic Argument #34237 - Vacuum Cleaners

who is right?

ok, me vs wifey

the settings on the main attachment of a vacuum cleaner
one has the brush out, one has the brush in

i always vacuum like this, flat floor (ie not carpet) i use the setting without the brush out (ie the flat setting on the attachment head)

if its carpet, i use the little setting that looks like carpet, and the brush is out

apparently this is all wrong and i dont know vacuuming
--------------------------------------------------------------
(Chris) - the original discussion is here go read it now!

quote from maxe in that thread:

spook i must say i find your domestic stories fabulously amsuing[sic], and i would propose some sort of reality show like "Spook & Petal: Riot on the Southside"

That's it, I am renaming this blog - cheers maxe

ipswich jokes

lolz

Q. Two Ipswich girls jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society

Q. What does a Ipswich girl use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old Ipswich girl?
A. Granny

Q. Why did the Ipswich girl cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason what so ever.

Q. What do you call a Ipswich girl in a white tracksuit?
A . The bride.

Q. What's the first question during a Ipswich quiz night?
A. What you looking at?

Q. Two Ipswich's in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!

Q. What's the difference between a Ipswich boy and a Ipswich girl?
A. A Ipswich girl has a higher sperm count.

cheap lcds at aldi this week

i love aldi, its a totally awesome store

check out this weeks super deal!

how much does aldi pwn?

Aldi have a 81 cm LCD for $899

* 16:9 WXGA display
* HDTV ready at 1080i/720p
* Resolution 1366 x 768
* Contrast ratio 1000:1
* Brightness 550cd/m2
* 8ms response time
* Twin TV tuner
* HDMI input
* Picture in picture
* 176º viewing angle
* Teletext function
* Child lock and sleep timer
* 2 x 10W output speakers
* Connections: HDMI input, PC input, Component in, 2 x Scart, Coaxial antenna input, PC audio in, 1 x AV in (side), 1 x S-Video in (side) and headphone socket (side)
* Includes Scart/AV adapter, remote control and 2 x AA batteries

perfect for a new pc monitor or tele for the bedroom!

bought a mower at aldi the other day, its been excellent

always amazed at how cheap aldis prices are!!!!

GO THE GERMANS

discuss with me here
good deals here
learn more here

Dave was right about womenz

After years of giving relasionship advice, another convert joins Dave's ranks.

“

you got it matie. i am so totally over daves wisdom about older chix. totally on it. ***** better shape up fast. if not gorn. and i will be putting in a firm policy...any future ms boothys either she is the same age(maybe 1-2 yrs older) or younger.

”

Ed note - This was inserted at Dave's request. I hope Boothy doesn't get mad.

More Pix

Dave doing what he does best, caining beers(above) and getting angry eyes(below).

Dave loves music

Dave dancing so hard in the boiler room that he is a blur, that and his cameraman is shit.

Petal and Dave on the grassy knoll


Dave and his gangsters.

Dave: 1, Main Roads: 0 (still)

On the weekend Dave was driving his skyline to church and apparently the council had recently painted the line markings on the road which somehow flicked up into the tire well:

So Dave the sent main roads a letter:

To: www.feedback@mainroads.qld.gov.au
From: Dave 'e-thug' Broughton
Subject: a big thanks

For leaving wet line markings on the road between Salisbury and Musgrave road behind Suncorp stadium.

My car picked up all the white paint and flicked all down the side of my car.

Lucky it came off.

Dave Broughton
Analyst Programmer
QM Technologies Pty Ltd (QLD)
Tel: (07) 3013 5045
Fax: (07) 3013 5070
E-mail: dave.broughton@qmtechnologies.com

Then they reply:

Thank you for your email.
To establish the appropriate office in which to forward your email to, would you please clarify :
* if Salisbury is the suburb or a road within the area in which you describe?
* Did you travel from Salisbury to Musgrave Road?
* Were the line markings behind the Suncorp Stadium?

The area behind the Suncorp Stadium and Musgrave Road are not state-controlled and the Department of Main Roads is not the responsible agency.
You should direct your email to Brisbane City Council at www.brisbane.qld.gov.

Dave's nice double spaced reply:

It looks like there was fresh line markings on Marshall rd on the Salisbury (suburb) side of the freeway.

I noticed them yesterday afternoon when I was retracing my steps.

I didnt notice any signs for fresh line markings anywhere on the trip, nor the next day.

The route i travelled was Orange grove rd into Marshall rd into holland park (steculia avenue into dunrod st)

Then back down orange grove rd to annerley via ekebin rd, then from there onto ipswich rd and then on to the freeway at julliette st

then inner city bypass to hale and musgrave at a church where i noticed the paint.

i have cleaned most of the paint off.

have attached pix of the mess it made.

Dave

A lady from Main Roads then called Dave up because she couldnt understand his email. Dave sure was embarrassed.

Photos of Dave!

eThug-Dave:

Happy-Dave:

Nose-picking-Dave:

Getting-down-Dave:

Welcome to Dave's Blog

Hi and welcome to Daves Blog!
Sharing the wonder that is Dave with the internets.

Edited by Chrisy

Dave and Wifey/Petal!

Dave's work buddie Shaq